Wednesday, August 25, 2010

whats up ur pics are hella gorgeous, ur flawlessley hot no joke, are u from AZ?? im sure u get the beauty remark 20 times a day, srrry if so frwrd but was seein if u gave HEAD??? wanna meet uup soon and help me out with that.?? had to ask ur so dam cute.

(YES THE SAME JACK ASS MAILED ME AGAIN ,BUT SEVERAL MONTHS LATER...AS IF HE ACTUALLY HAD FORGOTTEN THAT I HAD REAMED HIM ONCE BEFORE....JEEEZE...)




um.... it's like deja vu all over again....  o.O
i thought that your email seemed familiar... now just wondering .. DO YOU REALLY USE THAT AS YOUR OPENING LINE??? i mean really? really?wow. not very imaginative. i will give you the benefit of the doubt as far as you may hve some kind of success rate running that one in person... one of my favorite pick up lines to this day (that did in fact work on me at the time ) is simple -" wow- nice rack
. wanna fuck?"
it was definitely in the delivery tho.
and this typing thing is totally without emotion so... idk maybe wanna rethink that one...
as fucking adorable as you look ... gotta go with .. still not impressed with your "emailing  as a come on"  skills....please believe me when i say i am sooo soo sorry about that.


Saturday, August 21, 2010

how are yu?? ur profile pics are hella gorgeous, im sure u get that twenty times daily tho right??lol,, srry to be so frwrd quick ? 4 you, i was seeing if you gave head?? if so we could meeet up tonight, srry have to ask ur to fckn cute not to.

shad , i have to level with you bro, you have made one of the top 5 of all time worst first impressions on me with that stupid ,insulting and ill advised email you sent me earlier. idk what you weree trying to accomplish but if it was offending me and embarrassing yourself then you are fucking set@@ !!!
sorry
now at this point you are probly thinking what a fucking uptight bitch i am and fuck me anyways who the fuck am i anyhow and so what if im upset ....(or something like that, anyway) maybe? idk
i mean you said you arent trashy and thts pretty trashy , rite ?
any ways mostly i am letting you know all of this because mostly i am extremely disappointed. Just from your profile ( which i read before i read your email...btw) i got the impression of an upstanding , well-liked, very intellegent and approachable guy. i noticeed that alot of your friends are women which usually would mean that you are a good listener and that you are supportive and that you know how to be respectful. also i really respect the fact that you are someone who has the confidence to openly champion his faith ( you would be surprised at how many people who claim to be christians dont like to admit it like it isnt fucking "cool" or something anymore to have beliefs or morals or standards) . and all of these things were like way fucking cooler because although it almost always  happens that the guy i just described (you know , mary poppins , practically perfect in every way..?lol)is almost painfully unfortunate looking  , um, with you that is not the case. i may as well tell you  that i think you are totally fucking adorable. i mean really amazingly surprisingly attractive and appealing and interesting and all of the stuff that doesnt go at all with the kind of guy who offhandedly compliments a woman as a seguay. like " excuse me - i  just had to let you know that you are so beautiful and you have such a kind face ...u know - the kind id like to stick my cock in ..cause if ylu will cooperate i could give you a good skull fucking later on? hmmm? ok you let me know then, beautiful."
i mean ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME ? I Mean seriously? in my reality that does  not at any time pass for a compliment . honestly i dont really iknow why it feels important to me to make sure you know all of this or that i  bring it to your attention, in reality i get idk how many random emails from guys with even more indelacate remarks to make and usually i just delete and block them with out thinking about it.
maybe this has nothing to do with anything except the delivery of  a very sagacious piece of advice that you needed to be reminded of -DONT BE A BOOB.
and yes i have too much time on my hands - yes i am probly overreacting- but sometimes we forget the potential that we have to influence and affect the people we come into contact with even in passing .And had i not felt predisposed to like you it is likely that i would not have felt so indignant at your thoughtless  off the cuff  remark.


tiffany


ps and just to answer your initial query....not that this should give the impression that a late night tryst is in our future or anything ... but between you and me ( you totally called it right on - i have no gag reflex  whatsoever. )lol

DUMBASS! this is not - i repeat NOT the way to pick up chicks on myspace or anywhere else for that matter. if you are drinking alone by your pool on a friday night LIE about it later....jesus ! at least T R Y to make it look good.... for cryin out loud i am totally stuck between feeling pity or contempt...you be the judge...lol

LMFAO ROTF  DUMBASS!!!!
8/21/20109:50 AMJacob:hola friend……………………………………………………………………9:50 AM
tiffany:hiwas up?……………………………………………………………………9:50 AM
Jacob:Yea no mohawk anymoresorry to disappoint ……………………………………………………………………9:54 AM
tiffany:nono my FRIEND likes mohawks...lol i personally am indifferent to mohawks……………………………………………………………………9:54 AM
Jacob:ahh I see……………………………………………………………………9:55 AM
Jacob:I sure do like you name Bitchy McbitchThats pretty hardcore……………………………………………………………………9:57 AM
tiffany:TY . i like that you appreciate that……………………………………………………………………9:58 AM
Jacob:I appreciate alot of things most people dont……………………………………………………………………9:58 AM
tiffany:i totally get that……………………………………………………………………10:01 AM
Jacob:So since your too shy to ask, yes I'll be your myspace BFF……………………………………………………………………10:04 AM
tiffany:wait .... huh?lolparis hilton was taken or what?lol……………………………………………………………………10:06 AM
Jacob:Ha she would never talk to me……………………………………………………………………10:07 AM
tiffany:why not?mohawk?lool……………………………………………………………………10:07 AM
Jacob:Haha have you seen that woman, Im surprised your talking to me ……………………………………………………………………10:15 AM
Jacob:So Tiffany Smith.....Did you have fun last night?……………………………………………………………………10:15 AM
tiffany:as a matter of fact i totally did ... did you ?……………………………………………………………………10:16 AM
Jacob:I bought a bottle of jewish wine and got drunk by my pool alonesad sad....I know……………………………………………………………………10:16 AM
tiffany:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJYfOXe5zLcthis is totally fucking awesome .……………………………………………………………………10:16 AM
Jacob:I dont watch porn tiffany……………………………………………………………………10:17 AM
tiffany:at least the first idk 1:30 secs of it arewhat are u talking about?i dont watch porn either……………………………………………………………………10:17 AM
Jacob:Idk just trying to make you laughFailed joke……………………………………………………………………10:17 AM
tiffany:if i have the urge to watch it i just make it instead lol……………………………………………………………………10:18 AM
Jacob:Dude your fucking badass……………………………………………………………………10:18 AM
tiffany:my kid loves this dumb band and i finally just listen to the song and had the urge to pass it on]..……………………………………………………………………10:20 AM
Jacob:and how are single with comments like that……………………………………………………………………10:20 AM
tiffany:is that radass or badass ? just want to be clear...im NOT single. ... lol ……………………………………………………………………10:21 AM
Jacob:Didnt I send you a message……………………………………………………………………10:21 AM
tiffany:yes that doesnt mean i am single all of a sudden jeeze……………………………………………………………………10:21 AM
Jacob:Haha No i mean I wouldnt send a girl a message if she wasnt singleI don't do that shit……………………………………………………………………10:22 AM
Tiffany:um clearly you would thoo.O……………………………………………………………………10:22 AM
Jacob:Ha it must say single on your profileIt has too……………………………………………………………………10:22 AM
tiffany:um no……………………………………………………………………10:23 AM
Jacob:Wow guess I am an ass My bad……………………………………………………………………10:23 AM
tiffany:wow you are just now coming to THAT party?……………………………………………………………………10:23 AM
Jacob:I guess my old single eyes aren't as good as they once were……………………………………………………………………10:23 AM
tiffany:lol jk you are fine no worries……………………………………………………………………10:24 AM
Jacob:When you said your friend liked my hawk you meant your bf or husband I dont even know……………………………………………………………………10:24 AM
tiffany:i dont usually ever answer emails from myspace wierdos lol no not my bf……………………………………………………………………10:24 AM
Jacob:I've been called that before,,,I think Im fucking hilarious……………………………………………………………………10:25 AM
tiffany:my porn star boy toy we are just surfing the net on a sat morning..cartoons suck nowadays
so.....myspace……………………………………………………………………10:25 AM\
Jacob:I only like family guyIm actually girlfriend hunting……………………………………………………………………10:26 AM
tiffany:yah but it isnt now or ever gonna be in the sat morning lineup……………………………………………………………………10:26 AM
Jacob:Thats why you buy the season friend...or get netflix on your computer……………………………………………………………………10:27 AM
tiffany:boy toy says if floats flys or fucks in the long run it is much cheaper to rent
lol……………………………………………………………………10:27AM
Jacob:oh……………………………………………………………………10:27 AM
tiffany:you cant hunt pussy like its big game or something at least not if you plan on keeping it lol……………………………………………………………………10:28 AM
Jacob:No no not pussy……………………………………………………………………10:28 AMtiffany:you have to luck into that shit bro……………………………………………………………………10:28 AM
Jacob:Im tired of sleeping around……………………………………………………………………10:28 AM
tiffany:oh bummer……………………………………………………………………10:28 AM
Jacob:I triede with Tiffany……………………………………………………………………10:28 AM
tiffany:i m totally not……………………………………………………………………10:28 AM
Jacob:tried*……………………………………………………………………10:28 AM
tiffany:lol……………………………………………………………………10:28 AM
Jacob:I know I see your playing hard to get thats so not cool dude
anyways Im going to smoke than go to sleep, you two keep it PG 13……………………………………………………………………10:29 AM
tiffany:well in the iMmortal words of cobain i would rather be dead than cool/sooooo...sweet dreams bye good luck on your search for meaningful relationships on myspace    mwah   nice meeting you ! =-)

Friday, May 14, 2010

i guess nothing changes but the date after all......

WHITE HORSE by TAYLOR SWIFT
unfortunately this one just says it all...why does it always have to come back to this ....?
..........fuck.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

the name of this one should be something like idk...Jailbait or something like that..

however , its actual and given name is "CATS" .
the artists name is FULVIA ZAMBON.
a number of years ago i was actually lucky enough to walk unerringly smack into the middle of one of her showings at a little gallery in downtown hollywood called HEADQUARTERS. i lived like , rite down the street from there at that time and it was one of my favorite spots to go and chill out with my guitar and meet other like-minded, artistically inclined individuals....good times

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Victorian Era Post Mortem Photography (yes that means AFTER death but BEFORE burial - so if that kind of thing freaks you out SKIP THIS )

i find this absolutely fascinating. there are several good resources for this sort of art work on the net but this is one of the nicer vids with some pics that i have never seen in any other collection of Momento Mori  I have been lucky enough to stumble upon. Lovely way to commemorate the dearly departed. 

Friday, March 19, 2010

she's just strange

mine for so long
maybe it was really just time
that you fell in love
in itself not a crime.
but girls like that one cum and go
all the time
i'll show you a dozen and you can keep your fucking dime-
-bag me up
tag me up
you never try you let me down
i'm too tired to keep us both afloat
so you left me all alone to drown
victim of the undertow
now youre a star fish in my crown
so now i say im happy for you
but the truth is that i'm not
just go ahead and figure out its exactly like i thought
so now you say your sorry and you'll call
but the truth is that you won't
i seal my lips and dry my eyes
i want to scream and plead-but i dont
it feels so strange to be this girl on this strange momentous day
to be the one to stay behind and watch you walk away.
12:03am 08172009
***if you use my writings please have the decency to ask permission first...thank you!!!

One Of The Most Important Songs In My Musical History...


Words and Music by Jakob Dylan

So long ago, I don't remember when
That's when they say I lost my only friend
Well they said she died easy of a broken heart disease
As I listened through the cemetery trees

I seen the sun comin' up at the funeral at dawn
The long broken arm of human law
Now it always seemed such a waste
She always had a pretty face
So I wondered how she hung around this place

Chorus:
Hey, come on try a little
Nothing is forever
There's got to be something better than
In the middle
But me & Cinderella,
We put it all together
We can drive it home
With one headlight

She said it's cold
It feels like Independence Day
And I can't break away from this parade
But there's got to be an opening
Somewhere here in front of me
Through this maze of ugliness and greed
And I seen the sun up ahead
At the county line bridge
Sayin' all there's good and nothingness is dead
We'll run until she's out of breath
She ran until there's nothin' left
She hit the end-it's just her window ledge

(chorus)

Well this place is old
It feels just like a beat up truck
I turn the engine, but the engine doesn't turn
Well it smells of cheap wine & cigarettes
This place is always such a mess
Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn
I'm so alone, and I feel just like somebody else
Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same
But somewhere here in between the city walls of dyin' dreams

I think her death it must be killin' me

Sunday, March 14, 2010

The Most Profoundly Religious Picture I Have Ever Seen...

The picture could be interpreted in any number of ways...one could suppose that Jesus is weezing on the YMCA biker's shot but, i prefer to think that Jesus is simply interceding for him...the way he does for me and for all of us..every day. If i were the artist i think i would have titled this one.."Jesus Feels My Pain,"

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Terminal Gold

you know its like all of my limbs feel cold
somehow the
the summertime is old and gently sighing its last few breaths
and we are living out our last requests
together - forever is now.
your presence soothes me and brings to mind
sunshine the britest that ever shined
long ago when we still yearned
before fickle affections and the seasons turned
this girl into woman with the truth behind
the beautiful pain of autumn's terminal gold.
08162009
***if you use my writings, please have the decency to ask permission FIRST. thankyou

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

could it get any better?

i dont think SO. these guys are young, hot,and just totally fucking fine!!ok ok done heres thye vid.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

it all starts making sense

. maybe my preoccupation with death and dying and all things morbid,can be explained after all.
the other day i was searching some image query on google, and halfway down the page this painting fairly JUMPED out at me.
It was like a sudden trip back in time.This picture hung over the head of my bed from before the time i was old enough to notice it until i was in maybe...4th or 5th grade? Not exactly the stuff sweet dreams are made of,rite?
I remember asking my grandmother about it one time in particular and she answered  "Well Tiffany,if you are right with the Lord ,you have nothing to be afraid of. You will be one of the ones shooting through the sky with the angels, shining like a beautiful star.And that is nothing to be afraid of now is it?"
I remember thinking about it and studying the picture for a moment or two before asking her disconcertedly,"but grama there are more headstones than there are people shooting like stars.."
"Yes.", she said ominously as she looked down into my upturned face and raised one perfectly penciled eyebrow at me.
"what will happen to the rest of the people?"
"Well", she said thoughtfully with the hint of a smirk on her lips,"I suppose they will be waking up in that old graveyard to a hell of a surprise.Don't you think?"
I stood there and thought.
"What would YOU do if you woke up under the dirt in that cemetary some night.You would be scared probably.What would you do?"
I considered her question carefully before i smiled ,sure that i had come up with the right answer and said triumphantly "I wouldn't be scared,Grama. I wouldn't be very scared at all. I would just pray to God and Jesus and they would send the Holy Spirit to comfort me and protect me and show me the way home."
Grama shook her head and bent over so she could hold me in her gaze."I'm afraid,my Dear that is what alot of people will make the mistake of thinking.When Jesus comes back and the dead shall rise again so he can take all of his people to heaven with him,it will be far too late for all of the wicked to ask for forgiveness for their sins.Jesus will just act like he cant even hear them talking.And the people will all cry and pray and beg but it wont do them any good at all. The Holy Spirit will desert this wicked , evil, godless world and the Satan, will be the only sheriff in town.And he will be so cruel and unstoppable that the people who are left will beg for the mountains to fall on top of them.But they wont. All of the babies will be born with terrible diseases and deformed bodies, and their mothers wont want them and their wont be any milk for them to drink. Noone will be allowed to eat or drink anything unless they take a mark on their bodies somewhere saying that they belong to Satan.And if you get the mark you are going to go to hell.. Period."
"But wouldnt they be in hell already?"
"Not yet. Jesus will give you one last single chance to make it up to him.But it will be horrible and difficult.Too difficult for most people to do...."
"What ? What is it ?What can I do to make it up to Jesus?",by this time i was nearly crying.
"Well as long as you don't take the mark of the beast , you can get in line with all of the other sorry people and wait your turn to stand up in front of everyone and tell them that you are a christian.And that you love Jesus and that you are sorry and that you are willing to die for your  beliefs,"Grama said sternly.
"Die?", I asked her.
"Yes , the only way to go to heaven will be to become a martyr for Christ, just liike John the Baptist. You will wait in line with all of the others who couldnt just follow the directions in the bible and then you will be beheaded for your faith and then you can go to heaven.Otherwise you can die a million horrible deaths before you go to hell and spend eternity in a lake of fire and brimstone."
My lips started to tremble and the tears of conviction began to overflow onto my cheeks.I believed her.
She shook her head again and said "but as long as you just do what the bible tells you ...you wont have any problems,rite?"
"right," I thought with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. And then and there I began to prepare myself  for the experience of being beheaded and for the eternal fires of dammnation..
Some of us just arent great at following directions....

Friday, March 5, 2010

(s)aint

Quite possibly the singley COOLEST fucking rock and roll video ever in life ever.Disturbingly erotic and scary at the same time...Manson at the very top of his game...all hail...
This time no stories
This time no lies
This somber chime hails the 
very last
of many failed tries
The blinders finally off
of  veiled eyes
Choking on pride and accusations
Lips sealed against cheated cries
That you dont even deserve to fucking 
hear in this lifetime.
-T.S.2008 

Thursday, February 11, 2010

OLDER POOR FATTER LOVER AVAILABLE M4W

 100% real ad off of the local cl misc. romance iso ads. things are worse than i even suspected for those in the dating scene....it really makes a strong arguement in favor of just shutting up and putting up with the evil you already have become well aquainted with and accustomed to. i guess maybe i dont really need the excitement that comes from the agrab bag of single life in the dating scene .
my boyfriend leaves a lot for me to desire as far as well ..most things that have anything at all to do with my needs or emotional support...but suddenly he seems almost perfect...ahhhh. lucky lucky lucky....

OLDER POOR FATTER LOVER AVAILABLE   M4W
I have references from past relationships that will confirm that I am not a good boyfriend or husband. I can send you pictures from 6 to 10 years ago when I was almost good looking. I am so selfcentered that I honestly will not care what you think. You must own or rent a nice clean house with no pets and you must be a great cook. You must be in reasonably good shape. I prefer ladies in my age range or a little older. You must be employed, or self-employed in a respectable professional position (independently wealthy is also ok as long as you do not have a snotty attitude) because I am not. I prefer a woman who does not throw me out every week or calls the police every month. I am flexible, fun, and can take you dancing, to plays, dinner or ballet... as long as you pay. I drink for fun, smoke other peoples cigarettes and will do drugs (if the peer pressure is excessive). I am currently unemployed, homeless, insolvent, and without car. I do clean up nice and I am interested in an exclusive relationship. Serious Inquiries Only!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

another movie link to enjoy LOST AND DELIRIOUS

LoST and Delirious canadian film starring PIPER PERRABO,and MISCHA BARTON(that is the COYOTE UGLY chick and the girl from THE OC back when she was like idk 12 years old or something. Very heavy and hugely uncomfortable subject matter if you are at all homophobic. underage lesbian love affair drama not for the faint of heart.ENJOY!!

Monday, February 8, 2010

The Lovely Bones

Slightly morbid and never really promises to deliver more than the basic story and subject matter which is at best elementary and predictable for the most part.However, it delivers more than one or two different emotions and actually manages to create a suspenseful mood towards the end. though there were corny moments none of them could be attributed to less than jake acting. Mark Wahlberg was fucking awesome as usual . AVery believable and sympathetic character.Loved him. in spite of the forgone conclusion of the film it is most definitely worth a look or maybe even two. I would recommend  with the stipulation that you are watching it online for free. my opinion might be as favorable as it is only because i did not shell out 15 bucks at a movie theater to watch. idk . Any way this is a link to a hi def streaming /avail. for download copy of "THE LOVELY BONES "starring Mark Wahlberg, Rachel Weisz, Susan Sarandon.
Enjoy!!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Monday, February 1, 2010

a Tribute...

ducks are fucking sick.

April 8, 2008 - Tuesday 



DUCKS ARE FUCKING SICK
Current mood: disgusted
Category: Pets and Animals


Ducks are fucking sick. to be quite honest i never gave
too much thought to the habits of the mallard duck in the past,
but just recently my dog and i were leaving my friends
apt. and as we were walking out to the car some sketchy movement 
near the jacuzzi caught our attention.
At first it wasnt clear WHAT was going on. As we crept closer
to the pool area it was possible to see the shadows were , 
infact, three mallard ducks. 
Two of them green headed male ducks and one of them a plain, brown
female.
At first i thought perhaps they were fighting over her and that
she was trying to interfere or something.BUT-why? 
she would most likely fuck ANYONE provided they showed
up on the right day of the season. I mean shes a duck 
for Gods sake.
its not even like they mate for life. it's totally an issue left up to
natural selection
. sO then what the fuck was REALLY going on?
they were for sure not engaging in any kind of everyday duck activities. Not any that I had ever observed anyway..
Knox and i exchanged a glance as i tried to be quiet as i got closer to the strange scene.
The three were traveling back and forth on the ground between
the edge of the pool and the edge of the jacuzzi,
all together in a moving mass of flapping , flopping
wing feathers, shiney ,snapping beaks and stomping,
shuffleing web feet. I noticed that the claws on the tips of the 
webs were making little scratching noises against the
concrete and that as they struggled and manouvered
they were making wierd gaspy hissing sounds and quacking in
low urgent tones. They were seemingly oblivious to any 
audience that they might have managed to attract with their noise. 
They were so wrapped up in their situation that Knox and i 
had gotten very near them without them noticing us at all.
This struggle continued for several more minutes that 
seemed much longer than they really were, i am sure. 
Once or twice i really did consider going back to the apt
to tell them to come outside and tell me what in the name of 
god these things were up to out here. But , in the end 
i didnt do that because of several reasons.
1. None of the wierdos i hang out with are duck experts
or avid bird watchers even
2. Since I am not really what you would call a bird
enthusiast or a nature lover myself, i didnt really want to
look like a fucking freak for standing in the middle of the 
apt complex in the middle of the night spying on a gaggle
of ducks who appeared to be in the middle of some very 
hinkey act. Which brings me to...number
3. As much as i hated to admit it, wasnt willing to disturb
them or miss out on what they did next. I was dying to see
what they were up to. Which by this time ,
i had ascertained was definatly no good. Things had taken a much
more grizzly turn when it became very evident that the drakes 
were both attacking the female. It was like a car accident. 
I could not stop looking .It was totally ugly and unsettling and
probably going to give me nightmares for a week, but it was
not in my power totake my dog and get in my car till i saw....
well, the outcome i guess. But by this time i had a pretty good 
idea about what it would be.

Although i had no explaination for why this was happening to 
begin with. i did not have any recollection of ever hearing of 
male animals attacking females. usually thats not the way 
it works , right? dogs dont do that , cats dont really do that
and i had no reasons to think that ducks were any different.
Then it seemed as though the scene was over as the drakes
both took a couple of steps back from the female who was
now backed into a corner of the fenced pool area. THey 
stood off, staring intently at her for maybe a whole minute,
motionless . she was squatted down,standing as defensivly
a duck could stand, her eyes avidly fixed on her tormentors. 
Her breast and wings were shaking violently and her breathing 
was fast and shallow and harsh , which i realized was the hissing sound i had been hearing before. THey had really fucked her up i could see that they had pulled out her feathers so she was

left with big bald bloody patches here and there

and the pavement was littered with the

evidence. I glanced down at Knox who had shifted in my arms. He looked as baffled and uncomfortable as i felt. i raised my eyebrows at him and shook my head in confusion. We both looked back up at the corner of the pool yard. they were unmoved.They were as frozen in their poses as the ducks in the kitchen motif my mother had adopted for a couple of years in the late 80's. All they needed were the big blue ribbons around their fucking necks.
Another minute or so had passed and just as i was beginning to relax and think about going to my car, without any warning at all, The smaller of the two drakes, struck out at her with one abrupt vicious, pecking movement that made us both jump. As he drew back we had time to see that her eye was gone before she lurched backwards with enough force to put her through the space between two of the bars in the steel fence, flailing and flapping clumsily in her pain and panic. She attempted to make a get away but she was blinded now on one side and she was unwilling to turn her back on her abusers and go all out. Maybe she was aware that her ability to go "all out" had been so compromised that she had no chance like that . Maybe she could sense that reguardless of WHAT she did, she had no chance anyway.
My grandmother had some very colorful,very descriptive sayings that both as a child and as an adult have stuck in my mind and made their way into my everyday conversations. One of these is "like a duck on a june-bug." (*As in "he jumped on that thing as quick as a duck on a june-bug!") i get a whole different picture in my head now when i use THAT one i can tell you.
the two drakes began waddeling after her seemingly in no hurry at all. they were making low fast quacking sounds at each other and wiggling to get through the fence after her. She glanced around desperatly and lurched backwards as the large drake lept at her and began thrashing her with his wings. she suddenly turned to run(or whatever a duck can do) and the drake chased her into a bush next to a patio fence. the other drake went around the outside of the bush and blocked off any escape she might have made the two did some stuff i could only hear, there in that bush with her. All i can tell you is it was a horrible thing to hear and a horrible way to die, i am sure. several minutes later, the two drakes emerged from the bush . they paused and both of them looked around carefully. they walked a couple of paces preened each other , preened them selves. One of them looked back at the bush and quacked. the other looked at him , looked at the bush and then looked back at him quacked an answer preened him a little more in the breast area and then the two of them squeezed back into the pool area and they both went swimming like nothing ever happened. WHAT THE FUCK ? ? ?all i could think as i quietly got my dog and myself home that nite was

"fuck, i guess that will teach HER to hook up with guys she meets on the internet......"


Necrophilia among ducks ruffles research feathers
_____________________________________
Ducks behave pretty badly, it seems. It is not so much that up to one in 10 of mallard couples are homosexual - no one would raise an eyebrow in the liberal Netherlands - but they regularly indulge in "attempted rape flights" when they pursue other ducks with a view to forcible mating. "Rape is a normal reproductive strategy in mallards," explains Mr Moeliker. As he recounts in his seminal paper, The first case of homosexual necrophilia in the mallard anas platyrhynchos, he was in his office in the Natuurmuseum Rotterdam, when he was alerted by a bang to the fact a bird had crashed into the glass facade of the building. "I went downstairs

immediately to see if the window was damaged,

and saw a drake mallard (anas platyrhynchos) lying

motionless on its belly in the sand, two metres

outside the facade. The unfortunate duck

apparently had hit the building in full flight at a

height of about three metres from the ground.

Next to the obviously dead duck, another male

mallard (in full adult plumage without any visible

traces of moult) was present. He forcibly picked

into the back, the base of the bill and mostly

into the back of the head of the dead mallard

for about two minutes, then mounted the corpse

and started to copulate, with great force,

almost continuously picking the side of the head.

"Rather startled, I watched this scene from

close quarters behind the window until 19.10 hours

during which time (75 minutes) I made some

photographs and the mallard almost continuously

copulated his dead congener. He dismounted

only twice, stayed near the dead duck and

picked the neck and the side of the head before

mounting again. The first break (at 18.29 hours)

lasted three minutes and the second break (at

18.45 hours) lasted less than a minute. At 19.12

hours, I disturbed this cruel scene. The

necrophilic mallard only reluctantly left his 'mate':

when I had approached him to about five metres,

he did not fly away but simply walked off a few

metres, weakly uttering a series of two-note

'raeb-raeb' calls (the 'conversation-call' of

Lorentz 1953). I secured the dead duck and left

the museum at 19.25 hours. The mallard was still

present at the site, calling 'raeb-raeb' and

apparently looking for his victim (who, by then,

was in the freezer)."

Mr Moeliker suggests the pair were engaged in a

rape flight attempt. "When one died the other

one just went for it and didn't get any negative

feedback - well, didn't get ANY feedback," he said.

His findings have provoked a lot of interest -

especially in Britain for some reason - but no

other recorded cases of duck necrophilia.

However, Mr Moeliker was informed of an

American case involving a squirrel and a dead

partner, although in this case it is not known

whether the necrophilia observed was homosexual

or not as the victim had been run over by a truck

shortly before the incident.

Donald MacLeod
Tuesday March 8, 2005
guardian.co.uk


The strange case of the homosexual necrophiliac

duck pushed out the boundaries of knowledge in

a rather improbable way when it was recorded by

Dutch researcher Kees Moeliker.
It may have ruffled a few feathers, but it earned

him the coveted Ig Nobel prize for biology

awarded for improbable research, and next week

he will be recounting his findings to UK

audiences on the Ig Nobel tour.



Sunday, January 3, 2010

i'm not crazy

im not craZy im just a little unwell i know
right now you cant tell....
im not crazy im just a little impaired
i know right now you dont care
but sooner or later youre gonna think of me
and how i used
to be...